When She Was Bad
Xander: "Yo, G-Man! What's up?"
Willow: "Why else would she be acting like such a B-I-T-C-H?"
Giles: "Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out."
Xander: "A bitca?"
Xander: "If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you."
Xander: "Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a
sledgehammer, but gosh, we did that last night."
Some Assembly Required
Willow: "It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly.
They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game."
Buffy: "You know what this means?"
Xander: "That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body
count competition this year?"
Cordelia: "Why are there terrible things always happening to me?"
Xander: "He joked."
Xander: "People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want
the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive."
Xander: "And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune."
Xander: "I knew you were lying. Undead...liar guy."
Inca Mummy Girl
Xander: "Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers, and definitely no
lederhosen. They make my calves look fat."
Xander: "And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human
can pronounce, so it doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in your
Xander: "Well, because you never know if a girl's going to say yes or if she's
going to laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into
the ground with her heel."
Ampata: "Hello, Xander."
Xander: "Oh, ye--I, uh..."
Buffy: "I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you're beautiful."
Xander: "Pyah su."
Buffy: "You're welcome."
Buffy: "I remember how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was gonna' die. I
wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing."
Xander: "Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life."
Buffy: "I had you to bring me back."
Buffy: "Angel barely says two words to me."
Buffy: "And when he does, he treats me like a child."
Xander: "That bastard."
Xander: "Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come
around to that freak? Hey, man, how ya' doin'?"
Xander: "I got fatigues from a army surplus at home. Call me a two-dollar
costume king, baby."
Xander: "Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I
completely renounce spandex."
Buffy: "But, I don't want to go with you. I like the man with the musket! Do you
have a musket?" (About Xander!)
Lie to Me
Xander: "Yeah, I'm gonna' have to go with Dead Boy on this one."
The Dark Age
Xander: "Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as
straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was
the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze,
whores, and fur flyin'. Were there whores?"
Buffy: "He was alone."
Xander: "Give it time."
Xander: "Okay, 'Giles' and 'orgies' in the same sentence. I coulda' lived without
What's My Line I & II
Buffy: "Do the words 'sealed in fate' ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?"
Xander: "You know, with that kind of attitude, you could've had a bright future
as an employee at the D.M.V."
Xander: "Now why go through all the trouble of inventing something and then
giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I would have gone with the
Cross-o-Matic, or the Amazing Mr. Cross."
Giles: "Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone?"
Xander: "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug
Xander: "Ya' think?!"
Xander: "So, you're a slayer, huh? I like that in a woman."
Buffy: "You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?" (About Xander)
Xander: "Oh, here we go. I am the Bug Man, coo-coo ka-choo."
Xander: "Look, I'm not gonna' tell, they're not gonna' know. Not your friends, not
my friends. You wanna' go to the utility closet and make out?"
Cordelia: "God, is that all you ever think about?" "Okay."