Crazed & Confused

Part One: "Funny"

By Duchess of Buffonia

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, with the exception of Madison and all characters related to her. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. Basically, please don't sue or steal my stuff. Thank you.

It was that time of year again: Valentine's Day. When Xander resorted to witch craft, when Buffy got all decked out in a raincoat. Lack of love was in the air. Buffy, Xander, and Willow looked forward to another boring day of classes, or lack thereof. But, they still managed to make conversation…

"Why are all girls repulsed by me?" He asked of the two, while noticing the Valentines Day posters decorating the hallway. "And why," he continued, "are they plugging this senseless holiday?" He turned to Buffy and Willow. Willow pondered the question while Buffy got a look on her face that resembled some form of silent laughter, until she realized that Xander was waiting for some back up. So, she lost the smug expression and replied in his defense: "Xander! All girls are not repulsed by you." Xander decided to play off of Buffy, as he loved to do, "Really? Well, here's a list: Preying mantis, Ampata - Inca Princess, Cordelia, you."

Willow finally came to a conclusion about both subjects: "I think the local stores pay them to advertise the holiday in hopes of earning business; and, Xander, you can't expect all your relationships to be a success." Xander, in all of his Xanderness, replied: "Thank you Dr. Laura, but I haven't even had one successful make-out session." Buffy got one of her famous looks again, and decided to take advantage of the situation and mention the dreaded ex - Cordelia. (No, not to be mean, but to cheer him up about it) So, she said: "We didn't need to know that. And not all your relationships have been near fatal. You could reconcile with Cordelia... why you'd want to I don't know..." Xander cringed at the mention of Cordelia's name, and gave Buffy a look for that last statement. Then he reproached. "Don't even mention Cordelia. I'm not going to go there." Buffy tried to make him feel better, so she threw in her own personal experience. (Well, at least as much as she could without starting a conversation about Angel): "You're not the only one with supernatural, homicidal relationships." He gave her a look. "But I'm the only virgin."

Willow realized what he was implying and quickly defended her reputation: "Hey! Just because I don't share my sex life, doesn't mean you have to assume."

Xander gave her a look, as he seemed to be doing a lot lately, (but this way was an apologetic one) and said: "Sorry, listen, I'm actually going to hit a class." Buffy and Willow pretended to be extremely shocked but, after receiving a look (again?) from Xander, said their farewells.

He headed down the hallway, ready to get away from that conversation, until he ran into a beautiful girl. He began to drool, first off, but soon recalled his manners. "Oh! Excuse me!" He bent down to pick up her book while she said: "No, it was my fault, I couldn't see where I was going. You know it's just like me to bump into a complete stranger on the first day of school. Aren't I a bright one?" He didn't really hear anything she said and suddenly realized that if he ever wanted her to speak to him again, he should say something. "Xander!"

"Excuse me?" She asked of his abrupt outburst. It occurred to him that he sounded like an idiot and tried to redeem himself. "My name in Xander." He looked at her keenly in hopes that she would respond positively. She decided that he wasn't a psycho and introduced herself. "Pleased to meet you Xander, my name is Madison." But, right about then, all logical thoughts flew right out of his head, so he resorted to psychobabble. "Wihiw. Hubjallhal." She gave him the funniest look and dared to ask, "What?"

Being that they were only twenty feet away, Buffy and Willow were watching this spectacle with great amusement. By the time Xander's incoherence kicked in, Buffy had already walked up behind them. Then, she came to his rescue. (like she always does…) She saved him and the poor girl by introducing herself and extended her services: "Hi, I'm Buffy. I can interpret boy talk for you. He says: 'Wow, you're hot.' Not exactly charming, but boy talk it is." Madison looked relieved to have Buffy there, so she began to address her. "Nice to meet you... him to."

"You're new?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I'm Madison," she replied. Buffy noticed the schedule in her hand. "Once again, I'm Buffy. You lost? Let me see your schedule." Madison hands Buffy her schedule and looks at Xander, still drooling, while Buffy examines it. Then she concluded, "Science. Down the hall to the left. It's right there, can't miss it."

"Thank you so much. I was so nervous about starting here. Really, thank you." said Madison.

"No problem. Just give it a few days, and you'll get the hang of it."

"Thank you again. Tell him that I'm sorry about bumping into him. Bye." She runs off, fearing that she'll be late. Being that Buffy had a free period, she took her time to tease Xander. (all in good fun) She turned to him and said, "Mop up your drool Xand." He suddenly snapped out of it and thanked her. Willow joined them as Buffy said, "You're Welcome." Buffy decided to milk this moment for all it was worth. She shuddered comically and croaked out, "Inca… Mummy... flashback! ..."

"Very funny," said Xander.

"I know. Xand, you should stick with Cordelia, at least we know every homicidal intention she has." Being very pleased with herself, she headed off towards the library. Willow chuckled as they followed behind her.


So, the meeting in the library began after Xander decided to forgo his class after all. Giles fiddled with some books and Buffy hopped onto the counter and got right to reading Cosmopolitan. Willow broke the silence by saying, "It's been a slow week." Giles looked up, pushed up his glasses, said, in a Giles sort of way, "Yes, well, there's nothing in the books. I guess the vampires have decided to take a vacation." Xander jumped in, "Sort of like Spring Break for the underworld." Buffy put her Cosmo down and threw in her own thoughts. "Maybe it's Valentines Day? Like a Halloween repulsion thing." Once again, Giles looked up and pushed up his glasses, "I suppose." Xander took a moment to think and then burst out with, "I hate Valentines Day." Buffy looked at him with a smirk and Willow asked, "Why? Oh. OK." Buffy couldn't take it; she had to say something… so, "Yeah. No witchcraft this year, OK Xander?"

"Funny," he said. They exchanged a look of 'jokingness'. Giles interrupted their exchange by saying, "Anyway, Buffy, you do not have to patrol this week." She quickly jumped off the counter and retorted, "Yea. One whole week to have a life!" Giles gave her a scolding look for the annoying, yet albeit normal, off the collar comment. Willow turned to Xander. "Xander, are we homebound tonight?"

"Nope, my plans involve a bunch of sweaty guys shooting a basket through a hoop," he replied. Being that organized sports were not his thing, Buffy asked, "You're going?" With the greatest hint of humor, he replied, "What are you kidding? I'd never miss a chance to see the cheerleaders!" They looked at him as they always did when he talked like this and went about their ways.


So, the day surged on, until later that evening when Xander actually attended the basketball game. He sat in the front row of the bleachers and looked longingly at Cordelia. < I can't believe it's over. >, thought Xander, but his thoughts were soon interrupted when Madison sat down next to him. He was shocked to find that she was wearing the school colors, but a flashy red number that more belonged in a night club than a basketball game. Even so, he addressed her warmly, "Hey!"

"Hey," she answered back. He continued, "How's Sunnydale been treating you?"

"Fine. You can call me Brittany," she answered, her eyes on the court. Xander became slightly confused and asked her, "Why Brittany?" She replied coyly, "Because I like that name." Despite the fact that she was sending him obvious signals to end the conversation right there, he continued on, oblivious. "What about Madison?"

"I like Brittany," she finally threw out, almost forcefully. He got the clue and started babbling, "All right, Brittany good... Madison bad... OK, now I look like an idiot." She suddenly got a soft, yet still flirty, demeanor and said, "I think you look cute." He didn't know how to respond to this and turned towards Cordelia. He watched her, as Madison, ugh, I mean Brittany watched him. She finally opens the lines of communication once again. "Who are you watching?" He kind of knocked out of whatever he was thinking and replied, "Oh! You noticed? Cordelia. She's a friend." Brittany licked her lips, leaned toward him and whispered in his ear, "I'd like to be your friend." He pulled away and gave her a look, but then turned towards Cordelia again, who headed in their direction after a cheer. She stood watching as the next turn of events came to pass. Brittany paid no mind to Cordelia and placed her left hand on Xander's inner thigh. He twitched slightly and moved over an inch, to which she responded, by moving an inch. Fire danced in her eyes as she moved her hand further up his leg. He tensed up and she smiled and said, "I've been hearing about this club the Bronze. I want you to take me."

"Tomorrow night?" he asked nervously.

"At seven o' clock, I'll meet you there," she told him. Xander replied, "Okay." She smiled at him and suddenly jumped up and strutted out of the gym, leaving Xander slightly stunned and Cordelia standing at the bench with her mouth hanging open.


Buffy paced in the graveyard with nothing in particular to do. While she pondered why she was even out, Angel crept up silently behind her. He tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped, turned, and put a stake to his heart until she realized it was Angel. "Oh, it's you," she said and then turned back around and went back to thinking.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Buffy kept her back turned from him and answered, "Nothing." He began to circle her. "Is something up?" She turned away as he came near. "No." He continued, "So Giles sent you out?"

"No," she answered, eluding his gaze. He tried once more. "Then why are you out?" She shrugged her shoulders, but still failed to look at him. "Nothing else to do." A concerned look crept into his face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied nonchalantly. Then he said in only a way he could, "Buffy." She finally answered with more than one word, "Just thinking."

"Of what?" he went on. She said with a sigh, "Last year, Valentines Day."

"What?" He finally managed to get in front of her without her turning away. She looked up at him, "You sent me flowers." He searched for the appropriate emotion, for he did not quite understand, "Sorry?" She clarified for him the 'punchline of the joke'. "With a note that said: 'SOON'." He finally understood what she was referring to. "Oh." She looked at him solemnly and said, "We've been through so much in a year. Valentines last year just wasn't fun." He looked down and with an admission of guilt said, "Because of me." She couldn't bear to see him feel like that and tried to explain differently. "Because I spent half of it chasing Xander around in a rain coat and the other half craving cheese." He saw the humor in the situation and began to chuckle.

"What are you laughing at?" she demanded.

"You in nothing but a raincoat," he said slyly.

"Stop!" she exclaimed, and pushed him away playfully. They got into the moment and began to kiss like they used to. Until, they both suddenly realized how off limits their kiss was and pulled apart. He looked at her longingly and whispered in a husky voice, "I love you." She took a heavy, deep breath and whispered in a voice choked with sorrow, "I know."


Part Two (done!)